if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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