I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
