I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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