after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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