my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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