I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
