Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
