Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
