He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
