dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
