so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
