Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
