made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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