Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
