I CAN MOONWALK!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
