I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
