Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Vodka?
Forever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
