I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
