I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
