I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
