you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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