your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
