chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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