I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
