I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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