I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
