So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
