Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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