he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
