i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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