break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
