Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
