Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
