I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
