He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
