I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
