so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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