The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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