take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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