i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
