it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
