There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
