god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
