he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
