While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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