apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
