Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
