whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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