Your face is a jimmy john
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
