yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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