i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
