i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Boobs are out for the taking
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
