guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
