xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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