My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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