OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
