Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
