Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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